Grief is an emotion that we all experience at some point in our lives, but despite its universal nature, it often feels like a journey we must walk alone. Whether it's the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, the loss of a cherished dream, or any significant life change, grief can be overwhelming. It’s complex, deeply personal, and often misunderstood. But the first step toward healing begins with understanding grief - what it is, what it isn’t, and why it matters.
As a grief counsellor, I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside individuals as they navigate their grief. Through my work, I’ve come to realize that one of the most important things we can do when we’re grieving is to simply allow ourselves to understand and accept the emotions that arise. This is the first step on the road to healing, and it’s an essential one. So, let’s take a moment to explore what grief really is - and how understanding it can help us heal.
What Is Grief?
Grief is the emotional, physical, and psychological response to loss. It’s the sadness, emptiness, confusion, and even anger that can come when someone or something we love is taken away from us. But grief isn’t just about sadness. It can show up in many different ways, including anxiety, guilt, numbness, or even relief. It’s not a one-size-fits-all experience - everyone grieves in their own way, and that’s okay.
For many, grief is an all-encompassing experience. It can feel like a heavy fog that descends upon your life, making even the simplest tasks feel impossible. It can change the way you see the world and the way you see yourself. It can create a deep longing for things that will never be the same again. In many ways, grief is a reflection of how much we have loved.
The Myths of Grief
One of the challenges people face when grieving is the misconceptions surrounding it. Society often has unrealistic expectations of what grief should look like and how long it should last. There’s this notion that after a certain period of time, you should be “over it,” as if grief has an expiration date. But grief doesn’t follow a set timeline, and it doesn’t always look neat or tidy.
Many people also believe that grieving should be something you can control. There’s an expectation to stay strong, to put on a brave face, or to “move on” as quickly as possible. But these expectations can lead to feelings of shame or isolation, especially when grief doesn’t “follow the rules.” The truth is, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is no set timeline. Grief is deeply personal, and it’s a journey that unfolds in its own time.
The Stages of Grief: A Helpful Framework, Not a Rulebook
The idea of the “stages of grief” - popularized by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in the 1960s - has helped many people understand grief as a process. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can be useful in identifying some of the emotional experiences of grief, it’s important to remember that grief doesn’t follow a linear path. You might feel denial one moment and then experience waves of anger or sadness at another time. Sometimes, you may even skip over some of the stages altogether. This is all perfectly normal. Grief doesn’t move in a straight line, and each person’s journey will look different.
Grief Is Not Just About Loss - It’s About Change
When we think of grief, we often associate it with the loss of a loved one. And while that’s certainly a significant source of grief, loss comes in many forms. Grief can also arise from changes like moving away from home, losing a job, facing health challenges, or the end of a meaningful relationship. Each of these situations brings about a sense of loss, and with that, the need to grieve.
Understanding that grief is not just about death can help broaden our perspective. It helps us recognize that grief is a natural response to any type of loss, and that it’s okay to grieve when life changes in ways we didn’t expect or want. This recognition allows us to approach grief with more compassion for ourselves and for others who are grieving in different ways.
Why Understanding Grief Matters
Understanding grief is the first step toward healing because it allows us to normalize our emotions. When we understand that grief is not something to “fix” or “move on from,” we can begin to honor it, sit with it, and process it in a healthy way. Trying to suppress or deny grief only delays the healing process, and in some cases, it can make the pain more intense over time.
By understanding grief, we also give ourselves permission to feel. We stop telling ourselves that we “should” be feeling a certain way or that we need to be stronger, more “together,” or more “resilient” in the face of loss. Instead, we allow ourselves the grace to experience grief as it comes, knowing that it is part of being human. And in that process, we learn to be kinder to ourselves.
Understanding grief also helps us recognize that healing is not about “getting over it.” Healing is about learning to live with the loss, finding new ways to move forward, and discovering how to live a meaningful life despite the pain. It’s about finding hope, even in the midst of heartache.
The Role of Grief Counselling in Healing
One of the most effective ways to understand and navigate grief is through grief counselling. Grief counselling offers a safe, compassionate space where individuals can process their emotions and gain insights into their grief. It provides an opportunity to talk openly about feelings of sadness, anger, guilt, or confusion without judgment. A grief counsellor is there to help you understand what you’re going through and offer support as you move through the different phases of grief.
Grief counselling isn’t about “fixing” you or making the pain go away. It’s about guiding you through the process of understanding and integrating your grief, giving you the tools to cope, and helping you find meaning in your experience. It’s about helping you heal - not by erasing the loss, but by helping you live with it in a healthy, productive way.
Moving Forward with Compassion and Patience
If you’re reading this and you’re in the midst of grief, know this: your grief is valid. It’s not something to be ashamed of or to rush through. It’s a natural response to loss, and it’s okay to feel however you’re feeling. The first step toward healing is understanding grief - what it is, how it shows up, and why it matters.
Take the time to honor your emotions, seek support when needed, and give yourself the grace to heal at your own pace. Healing may not mean “getting over it,” but learning to live with the pain, integrating it into your life, and finding a new sense of peace as you move forward.
If you need support, remember that you don’t have to walk this journey alone. Grief counselling can be a powerful tool in helping you understand and navigate the complexities of grief. You are not alone, and healing is possible.
ebook recommendation
Healing from grief is not about moving in a straight line, and my "How to Grieve" Workbook is designed with that in mind. It helps you honor your grief, giving you the permission to feel all the emotions that come with it, without the pressure to "move on" or "get over it." You don’t have to walk this path alone, and this workbook will be here for you every step of the way.
Take control of your healing process. Order the "How to Grieve" Workbook today, and begin your journey towards healing in a compassionate and supportive environment. Embrace the ups and downs of grief, knowing that they are all part of the healing process.
To get your copy, visit: https://www.sendowl.com/s/workbook/how-to-grieve-workbook-by-tiara-volkmar
About the Author
Tiara is a professional grief counsellor based in Hobart, Tasmania. With years of experience supporting individuals through the difficult journey of loss, Tiara is passionate about supporting others find healing, peace, and resilience after the passing of a loved one.
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