The holiday season is often synonymous with joy, togetherness, and celebration. It’s a time when families gather, traditions are honored, and the warmth of shared moments fills the air. But for those who are grieving, the holidays can be a painful reminder of what’s missing, whether it’s a loved one who’s passed away, a relationship that’s ended, or any other significant loss. The very things that make the holidays special can also make the absence of our loved ones feel more intense, and the weight of grief can feel even heavier.
If you are mourning during this time, know that you are not alone. It’s okay to not feel the holiday spirit the way others might. It’s okay to feel sadness, longing, and even anger. Grief doesn’t follow a timetable, and the holiday season can sometimes amplify the emotions we carry.
As a grief counsellor, I’ve worked with many people who find the holidays particularly challenging. I’ve seen the power of acknowledging these feelings, sitting with them, and allowing them to be a part of the healing process. In this post, I want to offer some guidance and comfort for those who are coping with grief during the holidays. There is no “right” way to grieve, but there are ways to navigate the season with compassion and care for yourself.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
One of the most important steps in coping with grief during the holidays is to allow yourself to feel. It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you “should” be happy or “should” be embracing the season, especially when everyone around you seems to be. But the reality is that grief is personal and doesn’t operate on a calendar. It’s important to give yourself permission to feel what you feel, whether it’s sadness, anger, exhaustion, or even relief.
Grief doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one or that you’re not honoring their memory, it means you’re still healing. Allowing yourself to experience these emotions, rather than suppressing or ignoring them, is a crucial part of the healing process.
Set Realistic Expectations
The holidays come with many expectations, both from others and from ourselves. We might feel pressure to attend every event, decorate every corner, or live up to the ideal of holiday perfection. If you’re grieving, it’s essential to give yourself permission to let go of these expectations. This season may look different for you, and that’s okay.
It’s important to be realistic about what you can handle. If you’re feeling emotionally drained, it’s okay to skip certain events or take a break from the festivities. You don’t have to participate in everything, and you certainly don’t have to put on a “happy face” to fit in. Remember that it’s perfectly acceptable to honor your grief and your needs, even if it means doing things differently this year.
Create New Traditions or Honor Old Ones
The holiday season is full of traditions, many of which may have included the loved one you’ve lost. These traditions can feel painful when they are no longer shared, but they can also provide an opportunity for healing and remembrance. You may find comfort in continuing some traditions, while others may feel too overwhelming.
Consider creating new rituals or traditions that honor both your grief and the spirit of the season. This could be something simple, like lighting a candle in memory of your loved one or sharing stories about them with close friends or family. Or it might involve taking time for self-care, such as going for a walk in nature or spending quiet moments reflecting.
There is no “right” way to navigate this season, what matters is finding meaningful ways to remember your loved one and make space for your grief while still holding onto the elements of the holidays that bring you peace.
Reach Out for Support
Grief can often feel isolating, especially during the holidays when everyone else seems to be surrounded by joy and celebration. If you’re struggling, it’s important to reach out for support. This might be through connecting with close friends or family who understand your grief, joining a grief support group, or working with a counsellor.
Talking about your feelings, whether it’s about the loss or the difficulty of facing the holidays, can provide a sense of relief and connection. You don’t have to go through this alone, and sharing your emotions can create space for healing and comfort.
Practice Self-Compassion
During the holidays, we often expect ourselves to be “on” and to experience joy, even when we’re not ready. If you’re grieving, it’s essential to practice self-compassion. Be gentle with yourself. Healing is not linear, and the holidays are no exception. Some moments may feel heavy, and others may bring unexpected joy. Allow yourself to experience both, without guilt or judgment.
Give yourself permission to take breaks when you need them, to rest, and to recharge. You don’t have to do everything, what matters is that you take care of yourself and honor the pace that your grief is unfolding. Be kind to yourself as you navigate the waves of emotion that come with loss, and know that healing takes time.
Honoring the Memory of Your Loved One
The holidays can be a time to celebrate and remember the people we’ve lost. While the season may never feel the same, it can still be an opportunity to cherish the memories of those we’ve loved. Whether through rituals, like creating an altar, looking through old photos, or donating to a cause that was important to your loved one, honoring their memory can bring comfort during a time that may feel lonely or sad.
Remember that the love you shared with your loved one doesn’t end with their physical presence. They remain a part of you, and their memory can continue to bring warmth to your heart, even amidst the sadness.
Moving Forward with Compassion
Navigating grief during the holidays is not easy, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. It’s okay to feel sad, overwhelmed, or conflicted. And it’s also okay to experience moments of peace, laughter, or even joy, grief can coexist with moments of happiness. Healing is a journey that unfolds in its own time.
Above all, be gentle with yourself. The holidays may feel different this year, but they can still be a time of love, remembrance, and self-compassion. Your grief is valid, and your healing is important. Take each day as it comes, and know that you are not alone.
If you need additional support, or if you're looking for guidance on navigating your grief, I invite you to reach out. Remember, you don’t have to walk this path alone, and together, we can find ways to cope, heal, and honor your loved one this holiday season.
Take care of yourself - grief, after all, is the deepest form of love.
ebook recommendation
Healing from grief is not about moving in a straight line, and my "How to Grieve" Workbook is designed with that in mind. It helps you honor your grief, giving you the permission to feel all the emotions that come with it, without the pressure to "move on" or "get over it." You don’t have to walk this path alone, and this workbook will be here for you every step of the way.
Take control of your healing process. Order the "How to Grieve" Workbook today, and begin your journey towards healing in a compassionate and supportive environment. Embrace the ups and downs of grief, knowing that they are all part of the healing process.
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About the Author
Tiara is a professional grief counsellor based in Hobart, Tasmania. With years of experience supporting individuals through the difficult journey of loss, Tiara is passionate about supporting others find healing, peace, and resilience after the passing of a loved one.
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